Par and sub-par... studies in values
I grew up where marriage is a transaction.
For men.
The groom pays for the bride, and expects housework and many sons. The bride expects food and shelter. She knows beatings and cowives come along with those, but she is society's beggar, and it's buy-it-or-be-left.
Children aren't oblivious. Children see. This child grew up angry, knowing women deserved more than that. Determined to prove to myself that women deserve more than that,
and that they can get more than that.
I would protest the abuse with my life.
I would vindicate womankind.
I would never be bought.
Not me.
If marriage was a transaction, then I would do the investing.
I based my shopping list on Christian books, and Muslim neighbors' woes, and my anger. And I set a par value. Of course. Because men... are men. Sketchy. With agendas. And maybe a camel whip or two under the bed. A woman has to sort the good men out. And you need criteria to do that. So I made a standard. And I checked them off, item by item. I said no, I said nothing, I looked away. I turned my nose up right and left, and in retrospect, I'm mostly glad I did. Mostly.
This is the thing about par values.
They are convenient, and dangerous, and maybe a little tragic.
They are convenient, because they give you rational reasons to refuse boys against whom you otherwise ultimately have nothing except visceral objections.
They are dangerous because you love them when you meet them incarnated,
but you can't live with them in real life.
They might be tragic because, just once in a while, you might remember the moment you refused a substandard investment that turned out far beyond your predictions.
And you regret the undermining of your ability to gauge par value far less than the moment you pretend you can forget
when you said, "we don't fit in each other's worlds."
You destroyed the risks, and with them all the potential, for yourself and for someone else.
You agreed, unaware, to just miss him.
But it's ok, because at least you are still a savvy clear-headed woman,
logically bypassing inferior transactions.
And one day you will vindicate womankind with the perfect investment
that you just haven't found
yet.
Comments
Post a Comment